(Radio Iowa) – Many Iowans will be meeting up this week with family members they haven’t seen in a while, and some of us need to mentally prepare ourselves so we’re not sucked into a political squabble that ruins Thanksgiving. University of Iowa professor and psychologist Michele Williams says to plan ahead and give some thought to good conversation starters, things that don’t include inflation, health care, gas prices or the economy. “Think about the topics that might come up, and think about these conversations as a chance to get to know and understand our family members a little better,” Williams says, “as opposed to a time to convince them, this once a year time, I can finally convince my family members of my political views. Thanksgiving isn’t that time.”

In order to keep the conversations civil, Williams says the key is to remain cool and patient, and to tread carefully on potential hot-button topics. “Think of this as a dialogue and not a debate that you want to win, but a dialogue to understand your family members’ points of view,” Williams says. “Ask them questions. ‘Hmm, what makes you think that way?’ Maybe you can understand better what assumptions they’re making and why they’re thinking that way. Thanksgiving isn’t the time to change somebody’s mind.” She says some families manage conflict by deciding only to talk about football, the kids, or other things they have in common — and not politics. “We need to listen more. Americans are not really good at listening. We’re good at talking, we’re good at having debates and trying to prove the other side wrong,” Williams says. “We need to kind of move that more to a dialogue where we’re interested and curious about the other side. So we need to listen and I think about it as listening with empathy and grace.”

Williams is a UI professor of management and entrepreneurship in the Tippie College of Business and she’s a psychologist who specializes in management communications and relationships.